If you've ever spoken with people leaders about domestic and family violence (DFV) in the workplace, you'll often hear the same concern:
"What if I say the wrong thing?"
It's an understandable fear.
Managers care about their people. They want to help. But when concerns about domestic and family violence arise, many feel completely out of their depth. They worry about making assumptions, offending someone, invading privacy, or making an already difficult situation worse.
As a result, some managers avoid the conversation altogether.
Not because they don't care.
Because they care deeply and don't feel equipped.
A common workplace reality
This confidence gap matters because domestic and family violence is far more prevalent than many people realise.
Research cited by the Australian Human Rights Commission found that around 30% of respondents to a national workplace survey reported experiencing domestic and family violence, with many indicating it impacted their attendance, wellbeing and work performance.
Leaders understand DFV exists. Many genuinely want to help. But when it presents in their own team, uncertainty often takes over.
The challenge isn't lack of compassion
In my experience, most leaders genuinely want to support their team members.
The problem is rarely willingness.
The problem is confidence.
Managers are often promoted because they are technically capable, commercially successful, or strong people leaders. Yet very few have ever been taught how to respond to signs that an employee may be experiencing domestic and family violence.
They may notice changes such as:
Increased absences
Difficulty concentrating
Changes in behaviour or confidence
Frequent personal calls or messages
Requests for flexible work arrangements
Signs of anxiety, stress or fatigue
The challenge is often knowing where concern ends and conversation begins.
Managers regularly tell us:
"What if I've got it wrong?"
"What if they don't want to talk about it?"
"What if I make things worse?"
"What if I open something I can't fix?"
These concerns are understandable.
But the goal isn't to have the perfect conversation.
The goal is to create an opportunity for connection.
Sometimes a simple check-in such as:
"I've noticed you don't seem yourself lately and I wanted to see how you're going."
can be far more powerful than trying to find the perfect words.
The myth that holds leaders back
One of the biggest misconceptions is that managers need to become experts.
They don't.
A manager's role is not to investigate.
It's not to diagnose.
It's not to provide counselling.
And it's certainly not to solve the situation.
Their role is much simpler and far more achievable:
Recognise. Respond. Refer.
Recognise that something might not be okay.
Respond with empathy, curiosity and care.
Refer the employee to the appropriate supports available both inside and outside the organisation.
When leaders understand this, the pressure often lifts immediately.
Why workplaces matter
For many people experiencing domestic and family violence, work can be one of the few places that provides:
Safety
Routine
Connection
Financial independence
Access to support
This means managers may become one of the first people to notice that something has changed.
Not because employees want to disclose their experiences.
But because the impacts of domestic and family violence often affect a person's ability to engage at work.
A supportive response from a manager can help someone access support earlier, remain connected to employment, and feel less isolated during an incredibly difficult time.
Three things every manager can do today:
1. Know your referral pathways
Understand what support is available through your workplace, including employee assistance programs, DFV leave provisions, HR support, and specialist external services.
2. Focus on behaviour, not assumptions
Talk about what you've observed rather than what you think might be happening.
For example:
"I've noticed you've seemed under a lot of pressure lately."
Rather than:
"Are you experiencing domestic violence?"
This approach keeps the conversation safe, respectful and supportive.
3. Create psychological safety before it's needed
When leaders consistently demonstrate empathy, respect confidentiality and check in with their people, employees are more likely to seek support when challenges arise.
Trust is built long before disclosure occurs.
Moving from awareness to capability
Many organisations have already invested in DFV policies, leave provisions and wellbeing initiatives.
These are important foundations.
But policies alone do not equip managers for real conversations.
Capability is built through practical training, clear referral pathways and organisational support.
When leaders are given simple language, realistic scenarios and clear guidance, they become far more confident in responding appropriately.
And when managers feel confident, employees are more likely to seek help when they need it.
A better question
The question isn't whether managers will encounter domestic and family violence in the workplace.
The reality is many already have.
The better question is whether we've given them the confidence and capability to respond safely when they do.
Because creating safer workplaces doesn't require every manager to become an expert.
It requires organisations to equip leaders with the tools to recognise, respond and refer.
And sometimes, that confidence can make all the difference.
Find out more
Challenge DV offers programs and services that ensure your organisation is not just compliant, but truly equipped to recognise, respond and refer when DFV shows up at work.
Get a quick training quote or contact me, Lizzy Edwards, Corporate Solutions Manager, to find out how we can work together: lizzy@challengedv.org
